why does blogger look like this now lmao

 I'm nearing the end of my employment at the lake

And I don't recall every really feeling this way before

I know I should be worried about money, or work but I just am not.

I'm feeling an overwhelming amount of self interest and self inspiration lately. I'm not all that great, in the grand scheme of things or whatever. But I've been spending time with people whose lives have shown me that there is great value in a self-interested lifestyle. I've been inspired to create a living space that inspires me and that I look forward to returning to. I feel reinvigorated to create things, whatever form they may take. I feel a deep-seated desire to introspect and to learn from myself and my body.

My friend recently remarked upon the thought that our brain is not just the brain in our heads, but our whole body. The entire nervous system exists to serve our perception. The thought of being an operator that is wholly one with its fleshy mecha, a brain to the body of the heart. I am a giant brain. My existence feels both fleeting and entirely important at once.

I'm grateful for how this summer has shaped me. I've had opportunities to learn, grow, and challenge myself. The world and her circumstances have forced me to look at myself and remind myself of the existence I want live and model. I want to help people, even if that means carving or helping carve a path that wasn't there before. I'm inspired by other people and the communities that we can create.

I want to absorb and create. If I am a giant brain, I may as well be a single giant cell, ideas permeating and then leaving my walls, changed by my own reality. I want to live like everyone imagines artists living, but then again, who doesn't?

I know this opportunity is a slim window of my life I'll have to catch up before "survival" demands more from me. To seize this moment and breathe in and out without a second thought is to nourish a voracious part of me.