I knew a bird

Who was ever so small

But he left when it came fall

And I loved him so

But I let him go away

And I found myself lost

Lost

There's so much more for me to know

Than the wretched pains of a heartbroke soul

And the world was spinning all around me

When I took my heart and gave it to the bluejay

The bluejay

I thought I knew

All that I could about you

But you threw me down 

No heart, no crown 

and I tried to excuse the pain

But you shifted the blame

Spineless boy, weak excuse

You're a fool without a clue 

And There's so much more for me to know

Than the wretched pains of a heartbroke soul

And the world was spinning all around me

When I saw my heart trampled by some cruel jay

Some fool jay

You had me pegged

Down to a tee

Yea you took whatever you wanted from me

Cos hell! I'd let you

And blame myself

Wipe my tears 

And kissed your fucking ass

Your ugly fucking ass

And now I hate you and your mom too

Cos only fool would give birth to you 

I'm done with crying over birdshit

Thanks for the song

You're just metaphor practice

I took down everything that had to do with Gus and put it away. Moved all the pictures to a buried folder on my computer, and nothing about him on my phone. I don't really want constant reminders. 

Either way Gus was a huge part of my life , and I'm not gonna try to erase the good memories just because he's practically dead to me now. I'd rather pretend Gus is dead, anyway, then think about who he has become. It, at least, lifts away some of the distaste I have for him.

I'm not over it yet, obviously. But hopefully done crying.

Tell me what I did to you to deserve this 

I can't look at you without being disgusted

You're a self serving inexcusabley insensitive asshole and I still love you and it sucks.

The worst part about all of this is that you probably don't even care that you hurt me like you did.

You didn't apologize for doing it

You didn't apologize for ignoring me

You don't care, just because you've been  in college for a month. 

I should have seen it coming. I always date assholes.

just a PSA for all you ladies out there:

it does NOT matter how long you were together
does not matter if you had sex
does not matter if you were in love

if a guy is blatantly treating you like shit, drop him. I know you've probably tricked yourself into thinking that you need him, or that you've tried to make excuses for him, but he is not worth your pain. he is not worth your tears, your panic attacks, or the time you spent wondering if he'd text you back.

i know that nicholas sparks has tricked you into thinking that love will solve all of your problems, but it rarely does. you've got a whole life to live, and if you die alone, honestly who cares? i want to die knowing i lived the fuck out of my life and enjoyed it. i don't want my life to end unfulfilled because i spent it chasing the idea of love.

all you have to do honey is put love out into the world, and it will come back. don't go looking; it will find you.