it doesn't feel like i am allowed to be sad right now

but i am and drinking and being awake alone just made it worse

i'm happy but

there's still so much to be sad about

most of the time, i feel okay

and now that i'm working i feel

autonomous again

but no matter what i do with my life

the sad finds its way back in

through the cracks where i've allowed myself to 

be happy.

i want someone to comfort me

and to tell me i'll be okay

but i know that doesn't make the sad 

less sad

so why do i want it so bad?

i guess i'm allowed to let this situation upset me

but i just want to understand why it does