i feel like i know exactly who i am and yet at the same time, have no idea.

because now that i've rid myself of the toxic relationships i had, now that i've established my identity without suffering from codependency, the attraction and allure of you has multiplied exponentially. 

knowing who i am and what i want and where i want to go, and being so adamant about being who i am, has somehow amplified how i feel about you.

but is it even based in reality? have i drowned in nostalgia and now suffer from permanent rose-colored vision?

but you

just 

you

have me absolutely bewitched. 

every night i long for you. 

i see you in things.

you have

infiltrated

my

life

and i cannot make myself purge you.

perhaps not having the will to forget you is another codependency that i have yet to shed.

but how can i do that when your mere words, which often mean little, stir up passionate potential?

we could be this, or we could be that

we could be something

we could be a we

but it's not we. it's a you and an i, and that is the most painful knowledge.

because no matter what the future

holds,

it will never be a we.

i do not want a we

i want a you and an i.

but i want the you and the i to be a poem

and the poem to be sweet

and for the you to touch the i with absolute tenderness
and the you and the i to be warm

but the

 i is here and the 

you

is there.

and it seems that's how it is always going to be.