i love you.

i love you
i love you
i love you
i love you
i love you
i love you
i love you
i love you
i love you
i love you
i love you
i love you
i love you
i love you
i love you
i love you
i love you
i love you
i love you
i love you
i love you
i love you
i love you
i love you
i love you
i love you
i love you
i love you
i love you
i love you
i love you
i love you
i love you
i love you
i love you
i love you
i love you
i love you
i love you
i love you
i love you

so why can't i just have you?

falling through.

sometimes I imagine a place
where I run, where I crawl
but I never seem to get hurt
and I see the bees, hide under the trees
and the flowers smile at me

and I, get by, anyway
I'm okay, for now

cuz I never think of you
in my-y-y paradise
but everything comes to an end
and tragedy starts to descend

[chorus]
was I everything that you needed
everything that you ever asked for?
every place that you could run to?
the only question: did I love you?


sometimes I get so scared
my senses, my judgement impaired
and the fire eats, away at the trees
the birds screaming "help me".

and I, I cry, anyway,
not okay
and the flowers, the flowers,
they burn.

in my-y-y paradise.

[chorus]

could I have been any better
was there anything I could do?
everything is burning down
everything is falling through...

falling through...

goodbye, sunshine
goodbye, light in life
goodbye, everything
goodbye, darling [2x]

darling...

[chorus 2x]

you are everything I ever needed
everything that I could ask for
every place that I could run to
honey it's no question...I love you...

I love you...

that I love you.

Dear (ex)boyfriend,

Uhm, I think you count as my boyfriend. I mean we act like it anyway. I can't like...haha, I think it's funny how we ended up together after all of the shit we did to each other. I know people think you're stupid and I'm stupid for dating you, but you're really not. You may act ridiculous, but you're so smart and you have a huge heart and why, have I made a rhyme? I love you so much, at least I think I do, and I'm happy to have you back in my life. We've been weird lately but I think we'll be fine, and if we're not, life goes on. But I will never, ever, EVER, forget YOU ♥

I'm going to be honest.

this week has probably been one of the most amazing of my life.

I spent my mornings eating breakfast in a quaint little kitchen, my noons tanning & swimming at the beach, and my evenings eating lovely dinners cooked by my family. My Tuesday was dedicated to fishing with an attractive skipper thirty miles into the Gulf, and our dinner of mackerel, kingfish, and grunt was rather gratifying. Of course shopping on Wednesday was fun -- when is shopping not fun? -- and I love gelato. The aquarium was adorable, as always, and the manatees were pretty much the most adorable thing on that trip. Swimming at my grandma's while an old leathery lady was tanning was awkward, but fun. I hate getting chlorine up my nose. And though Friday was uneventful, it was nice.

But the best part of this week were the nights. I stayed up late, until I couldn't keep my eyes open anymore, talking to him. Love? Maybe, but it doesn't really matter. It means a lot that I can stay up talking to someone, finally. It's been so long since I felt this closeness with someone. I don't know if four months is a long time in everyone's eyes but it was a slow four months, and I'm glad that they're behind me. Finally I have someone to look forward to. I don't feel so lost.

Maybe this spring break was the start of something really big.

"A very small degree of hope is sufficient to cause the birth of love."
-Stendhal

Kings and Queens -- 30 Seconds to Mars

The sunset on the beach. The sunrise on a fishing boat. Waking up to a blue sky. The sand under your feet. My hand in your hand.

my Heart swells as I gaze up at the stars. The Milky Way lights up my night just the way You did. only Two weeks earlier, you are head over heels in Love with Me. and now? well, now, I am not so sure. But I can Hope. I can lay in the cool spring grass and Smile, knowing that You once thought of me. Nostalgia surrounds me, a warm blanket shielding me from violent reality. delusion, perhaps, or maybe my pitiful attempt to be Happy.

let Me bathe in Your Beauty. let the water run over Me, washing away the pain I once knew. let Me Imagine your Kiss on my Lips and for one last time, let Me melt into You. cease to be two separate entities, instead being One now and Forever. I love You.

Forever.