i still find it baffling, you know.

we are not made up of memories or materials or attitude but instead what we believe is true and the words repeat to ourselves every day. so every brain is a world in which we live and a world in which we believe is the only one that matters. but then there are seven billion other people, seven billion other worlds coming together and falling apart. seven billion worlds that sometimes may cross paths but never travel the same road forever. and the 1,000,000,000,000,000,000 animals that roam the earth as well.

we All live in the Same world we All come from the Same place but no we don't we are all worlds born from different worlds; this exponential growth means that the worlds are expanding rapidly like the chicken pox on a child.  1,000,000,007,000,000,000 worlds on one planet -- does that not intimate the infinite number of worlds that are in existence?

so what does this mean to us? well, to the rational it means nothing for we are here now and now is all we have so why worry about the worlds around us when we have one of our own? but for the dreamers: This means there are an infinite number of worlds we will never get the chance to explore. we will never discover what wars, what conflicts, or what resources these precious worlds hold because these worlds are never-ending.

until we reach the center of cold quicksilver stars or leave the safety of our precious milky way, we may not even come close to these worlds. but the dreamers, they are the ones who will reach these worlds. they are the ones that will align themselves with them and all thoughts will evanesce as two become one, if only for an instant

i dont want this

I don't want you to go. I know we have another year and that anything could happen between then and now, like we could break up or get married or whatever young couples do when they're in love and one is about to go away, but I don't want you to go. I'm so happy now. I don't want you to leave me like everybody else left me. But you're going to. And I know it. The anticipation is burning at me.

I've become a slave to love and that's okay because you have to. You always make me smile even when I'm sick as fuck or just got out of surgery. You bring me food and flowers and gifts that I wouldn't ask from you in a million years and you put up with me when I'm being rash. You've become not only my love but my best friend and I wouldn't trade that for anything. No matter how attractive the guy or how annoying you may get (even though it's not very often at all), I would never break up with you. You contribute to our relationship and even more importantly, you care. You care a lot and that makes me feel okay even when I hate myself and want to die.

And I can't imagine a world without you. I can't imagine not seeing you in the hallways before class or sitting without you at lunch or riding the bus home alone. I cannot fathom a world in which my fingers do not lace through yours like threads in a precious carpet. I cannot grasp the idea of going to sleep every night without a goodnight and an "I love you". Is it possible to live without you? Because I do not believe it is.

I have lived without you for fourteen years and now that I stumble across you, what makes it so different? I will tell you.  You are the diamond that many mine for but cannot find and that is why you are so precious. You are the cool spring mornings, dew on the grass, so serene. You are the sheets on my bed that lull me to sleep, crisp yet soft. You are my heart and my home.

How do I live without I home?