i am so ridiculousy tired.

It's not even funny. This past week has literally felt like a month, waking up at six in the morning to practice music for eight hours a day, everyday. On top of that, I have to read my library books, hang out with friends so they don't think I'm neglecting them, and work out. It's so exhausting, I've gotten about 16 hours of cumulative sleep for the past week, when ideally I probably should have had like 42-48 something like that.

We push SO hard in band, and I don't feel it at the time but it when it hits, it hits hard. I went shopping with my mom today because I'm going back to school in a week. I meant to say hi to a friend because he was working but I didn't the chance because after buying jeans and a new pair of Converse I just really wanted to sit down and do nothing. We went to get lunch at Central Market after that and it was good, but after I'd eaten about half of my macaroni, I felt like I was about to fall asleep. I ate as much as I could after that, finished my tea and had my mom take me home.

I probably should take a nap or something but I've got to go back to band in about two and a half hours and I don't want to waste it. But I seriously cannot wait for marching season to end.

Running.

I decided it'll probably take me a year or two to build myself up to a marathon, so I'm starting to train for a 5k that's in September. It's kinda just like I really don't want to run but I need to be healthier and the money for this is going to a good cause and it'll be worth it when it's over. So the point is I'm starting to run and I don't know if I'm actually going to remain committed to it considering the fact that marching season lasts throughout my training. Then again I really don't march or anything, just sit outside and kind of bake in the sun, so maybe it'll work out, if I'm not too lazy.

I ate like three pieces of cheesecake earlier even though I said I was going vegan and I'm just really pissed off because I'm having a lot of trouble staying dedicated to my goals. My stomach hurts like a bitch and I kinda wanna throw up but if I do I can't go to band tonight. I don't really wanna go to band tonight..but I have to. I just do. Ughhughfhgjdfg

My mom is obsessed with running and any time I tell her about it she always harps on me to get my shit together, which is really annoying, but understandable. She likes running for a reason and wants me to understand why she loves it so much, I guess. And I feel bad whenever I don't follow through with training because she gets so excited about it, but I hate that I even got her hopes up in the first place...anyway, I told her today about the 5k I want to run in McKinney because I just need some sort of motivation. I'll start writing in my planner and making a vision board or some stupid motivational shit like that.

Okay, that's what's on my mind today. Bai guiseeee who never read my blog.

maybe i have said something that was wrong.
it's starting to hit me.
that you lied.
that you lied for so long.
"i would cry for days knowing what i had lost"
but i walked away
and you didn't even care.
like you'd never even known me.
i want to cry
but i can't make myself.
i don't know
why.
have i already cried enough?
or is there something i'm missing?
maybe i should
stop searching
for reasons to shed another tear.
but i'm never going to feel okay again.

i want to marry Yu Darvish and live on the moon and be famous and have beautiful children and i want it to rain every day and be sunny at night because i really dont give a crap i can sleep with the windows shut. I dont want to worry or fight and i want my friends to all live on the moon with me in harmony. i want to sing and have the whole world feel how i do but not the hurt. i want to make them feel my passion, not my hurt.

-Marissa Suazo

ugh

there are so many things i want to do.
i want to hold your hand, to whisper sweet nothings in your ear. i want to kiss your nose and your forehead and your neck and run my fingers through your hair. i want to lay with you and curl against your body, to feel your arms around me and breathe in your smell. i want you to kiss me, i want you to touch me like no one's ever touched me and make me feel like i belong somewhere. i want to every space between us and have every point of me pressed up against you.

but i can't exactly do that, can i?
862.6

fdhsihfdsi

i hate you. i hate you i hate you i hate you.

why does everyone do
this
everyone does the
same thing
and i can't
understand.

you make me
believe one
thing,
then tell me
the opposite.

so fuck you
fuck them all
i'm
done.
people are just
liars
and i can't wait
to die.

i have so many
words for
you.
but i can't say
them
because you don't want to hear them.

oh well.

there's a story at the bottom of this bottle...

i haven't written in forever.

don't think i'm about to go shakespeare on you right now, no haha.

so like today was boring as shit. and the only maybe interesting thing was cooking in eighth period. but even then i didn't really get to eat the food i had made, considering we made sloppy joes. uck. sometimes i question why i am a vegetarian, and then when i see things like THAT, i remember. hbdhifhsdf

i did watch Doctor Who today. i haven't watched that show in two weeks. that's bad. i'm a bad whovian :( but i've been busy and stressed and stuff....plus charlieissocoollike is taking up a bunch of my time ;D why am i such a faggot? i don't know.

right now...i'm having a dance party with myself. wishing that i could fuck someone, that Hunter lived down the street and that i was hot. uhm, well i am sweating...PROGRESS. oh but not really. whatever. when i went on my walk today, like three guys said something to me and another five probably checked me out..ugh. #hotgirlproblems

i wish i was a little bit taller
i wish i was a baller
i wish i had a girl who looked good
i would call her
i wish i had a rabbit in a hat
with a bat
and a six four impala