so i watched the documentary I Am

was recommended to me by someone over six months ago, kept putting it off

missed him today, so i watched it to distract me from my frustration

really good.

i'm trying to find the balance between my own happiness and helping others. i know that i need my own house in order before i can go out and really make a difference, but to what extent? i don't need to be rich or famous, i know that. but also, how do i change my mindset from that of a consumer to the mindset i seek, the mindset to be part of the whole picture rather than myself being the whole picture?

i plan on getting healthy (both physically and mentally), going organic, getting off of my medication (finally, plssss), educating myself, pursuing passions, and hopefully in the process i'll learn how to wean myself from the desire to consume more than i really need, while still fulfilling reasonable wants. i don't seek to sustain myself for the sole purpose of helping others, as it doesn't appeal to my mind right now, but i feel that if i get to a point where i'm able to limit my consumerist thought, that i may soon seek that. i do recognise that reward of helping others. i love gifting and doing kindnesses to those who need it, and i feel that if i put that positive energy out into the world, that it will be reciprocated at some point. even if it isn't, at least i had a positive impact on the world. helping others makes me very happy. i aim to do it much more.