damn the distance

i want to talk to you. But no, I shouldn't. I mean, you led me on. Made me believe you wanted to date me and then totally screwed me over. It's not fair. Everyone does this to me, before they know me, after they know me...it doesn't matter who I am. It's not my fault, it can't be if you did this before you even got to know me any better.

We have everything in common...Mumford and Sons, Elton John, Doctor Who, sour gummy worms, it goes on and ON. We are both writers, both night owls, both damaged people. You are perfect to me and I am perfect to you...we are both perfect. But damn the distance. The one thing that could keep me from you. Damn all of the miles between us and damn the people that can talk you out of me.

What exactly did I do that was so bad? Tell me what I did. Nothing works out for me. Maybe I should probably get my priorities straight and stop worrying about my love life. But I care a whole lot about my grades and my musical studies and I don't think that I put some boy in Indiana over them, just because we were perfect together. Unfortunately, now that I've got a broken heart, it's a little harder to focus on those things.

At some point, I want to be completely happy with someone. And it pisses me off that I went off and dated Zach, because he awoke a part of me I didn't even know existed. Screw Christian, Lowell, Anthony, none of those boys were as close or important to me as Zach was/still is. And I'm not in love with him, don't get me wrong, but I still love him.

I hate that I can say that without cringing or laughing at myself. I hate that he was probably one of the most amazing people I have ever met in my life. I don't think I'm very exposed, if that's the case. God...the fact that he told me our relationship was perfect and that he wouldn't change a thing...why would he say that? That's going to torture me for the longest time.

I hate boys. I hate everything. Okaay. Bye.