what

i'm so fucking done
all my parents do is fight
my horse is a piece of shit
i haven't spoken to my boyfriend since i don't fucking know
at this point i'm beyond dejected and just fucking done

what the fuck

like what the fuck

i don't want you anymore, but i want you in my life. and it's only because it's summer, because i'm nostalgic, because stupid ass reasons. i don't need you nor should i want you, but i can't help but remember what was lost because of you. and it makes me mad. i didn't deserve the pain and i don't deserve the stupid shit like this that seeing your name puts me through. i shouldn't have to worry about you.

how can you be so perfect on the surface, yet so wrong?
i don't understand.

listening to avril lavigne tonight has made me reflect a great deal on my life.

I never realized how much my interests and experiences have shaped and defined me as a person. I can't even write anymore...but I feel this way.

i cant even blog my feelings
ive stifled it so long it wont come out

help me help me help me help me help me help me
i dont know what to do
help
i think about dying and i think about where i want to be and i dont want to die
but i sure as hell dont want to live
help me help me
help

who am i

every time i write i block
every day i wake up i dread it
i feel dead

gustav

i love you. i love your messy hair and your big brown eyes. i love your smile and your walk and your style. i love the way you laugh when i tickle you. i love you way you try to cheer me up even when i'm being a buttface. i love they way you writhe and moan when i suck you off. i love you way you go down on me. i love the way you call me beautiful when i don't even try, and make me feel  thousand times better when i already feel amazing. i love you. and i want to make you the happiest person in the world. otay.

meep