i want

you to be in love with me
to be a little bit thinner
my skin to be clearer
my face to be slimmer
my confidence to be higher
to feel secure within this world i am entrapped in but i

don't know how to get to that point.

trying to define my self worth not based on the opinions and actions of others

trains

the first time i saw you
in the shadow of the train
under the moonlight
the soft patter of rain.

my hair was wet,
and i started shake
but stood there for hours
just to see your face.

i ran to see you closer
and i didn't expect
the reaction that i had,
the fact that i wept.

you were cold
but somehow still warm.
i fell into you
fell into your arms.


i think of it everyday when i wake, when sleep
perhaps one day it will be more than a dream.

love is not blind.

love is not blind.

love is an accumulate knowledge and judgment you have placed upon a person, the careful sifting and measuring out of each risk that you are taking. love is the deep study of subject matter to analyze it endlessly and constantly ask yourself "is it okay, is this person okay?" Love is the way you tell yourself not to think about them and the way you tell yourself not to look at those pictures because you cannot get hurt again. Love is the night you couldn't fall asleep because you didn't want to let go but it was all slipping away and all of the facts and probabilities and numbers and logic and rationality you had worked so hard to collect; they were gone.

you looked at him and your heart fluttered.

no, love is not blind.

feels like
everything is
falling apart and
slipping away

and it feels empty and
scary
but i don't
know what
to
do